Why “Trying Harder” Doesn’t Work for Sleep

Since May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I’ve been thinking a lot about the foundational tools we use in therapy. We often dive deep into emotional regulation, cognitive reframing, and processing trauma. However, therapy can also involve starting with the more “simple” foundational skills that support our overall well-being.

In my experience, I’ve seen many clients struggle with anxiety that leads to restless nights followed by groggy, drained days. This is not just a coincidence — it can quickly become the beginning of a vicious cycle impacting both mood and emotional functioning.

The “Mind After Midnight”

According to a 2025 study by Stanford Medicine, the relationship between sleep and mental health is “bi-directional.” This means that while mental health conditions can disrupt sleep, poor sleep can also trigger or worsen conditions such as depression and anxiety.

One of the most interesting concepts from the research is the “Mind After Midnight” theory. Have you ever noticed that your problems feel overwhelming at 2:00 AM but much more manageable at 10:00 AM?

There is a reason for that. After being awake for 16 or more hours, the brain’s emotional regulation systems begin to weaken. Our brains essentially lose some of their emotional “brakes,” making us more vulnerable to anxious thought loops that keep us from getting the rest our minds and bodies need.

Breaking the Cycle

The Stanford researchers highlighted that people with insomnia are significantly more likely to experience depression and anxiety. This can create an unhealthy cycle: anxiety keeps you awake longer, and staying awake longer increases feelings of anxiety. Over time, this cycle may leave you feeling emotionally exhausted, restless, and overwhelmed.

To begin breaking the cycle, it is important to recognize sleep as a foundational part of emotional regulation. One helpful strategy is maintaining a consistent wake-up time, regardless of how much sleep you got the night before. Waking up at the same time each day helps your body build sleep pressure consistently, making it easier to fall asleep the following night.

The Stanford Medicine article also highlighted the concept of “Worry Time.” Instead of allowing worries to surface only when your head hits the pillow, intentionally set aside time earlier in the day to process them. The goal is not to eliminate worry altogether which is nearly impossible — but rather to stop worrying all day long.

You might spend 10 minutes sitting with a notebook and writing down your thoughts or creating a quick “Worry List.” Once those 10 minutes are over, allow yourself to move on from the worries for the time being. This helps signal to your brain that “Worry Time” has ended and it is time to return to the present moment.

When worries show up again at 2:00 AM, you can gently remind yourself: “I’ve already heard you out today. We can revisit this tomorrow.”

If you find yourself awake in the middle of the night, try to meet that moment with grace rather than frustration. Every morning is a new opportunity to reset your sleep habits. You do not have to be a perfect sleeper to be someone who is healing.

In therapy, we often talk about the importance of effort and “doing the work.” However, sleep is one of the few areas where “trying harder” can actually move us further away from our goal. When we try to force sleep, we often create performance anxiety around it. By shifting our focus toward healthy routines, consistent wake times, and intentional “Worry Time,” we stop fighting against restless nights and begin creating more space for rest and healing.

Building the Foundation for Healing

As we navigate Mental Health Awareness Month, it is important to remember that therapy is often most effective when our basic human needs are supported first. Sleep is sometimes viewed as “lost time,” but in reality, it is the foundation for emotional regulation, resilience, and overall well-being. It is the restorative process that allows us to integrate what we learn in therapy and show up with the clarity needed to handle whatever tomorrow may bring.

If you find yourself stuck in these sleepless cycles and feel ready to explore the foundations of your own healing journey, we would love to support you.

You can schedule a consultation or session here: https://innerhealingtherapypllc.clientsecure.me/

Reference

Tompa, R. (2025, August 11). How Sleep Affects Mental Health (and Vice Versa): What the Science Says. News Center, Stanford Medicine.Stanford Medicine Article